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Why even bother?!

I was told I was pretty stupid for the most part of my life
Couldn’t get jokes couldn’t remember them either.
At school I would just zone out staring out of windows or be restless
Wanted to be by myself at break times
In pubs couldn’t understand what people were saying, the noise of everything around me made it impossible
Then they call your name you look up and wonder what they just said
Feeling sad
Feeling madly energetic
Feeling nothing
Feeling numb
People think you’re nuts
They hate it when your ideas work better than a team of 20
People stare
People use you
People leave
They get mad and they shit on your face
They blame you
They call you weak and freak
They talk behind your back
Then all you can think of is talking to yourself
Talking to yourself saying “I can do it”
Or I deserve better
Or I’ve had enough of this shit
I’m not a plaything
My tongue is always pressed to the roof of my mouth
The shower in a morning is only refuge
Fear of saying how I feel
Sometimes unable to say how I feel
Most of the time words come out wrong when i talk

Why even bother?!

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